...random thoughts in no particular order...
I've always been a hopeless romantic, wanting so desperately to fall hopelessly in love and ride off into a beautiful sunset. I am learning to be a bit of a realist knowing that things may not turn out precisely like the fairy tale I imagined - we may be riding off on an emu instead. I can handle that. If it has a saddle.
Do you guys remember that toilet paper commercial (I know, weird analogy so wait for it) where the kid was learning how to ice skate and kept shoving the rolls down the back of his pants to protect him if he fell? That has been my motto for life. And before you ask, no, I'm not shoving anything down my pants (...yay for me...) but I have been protecting myself from things that haven't even happened yet. I know that wearing knee pads, wrist guards and a helmet are recommended for rollerblading, yet I still don't know where to buy the gear to protect my heart. I know, totally corny and ick so move on.
In relationships I seem to leave myself very vulnerable right from the word go, letting my mate know what I'm feeling, when I'm feeling it, why I'm feeling it and how. Overwhelming? Nooooo not at all..... *right* Evidently I'm comfortable in letting people in, granting all access passes allowing them to see all of me. I can only imagine what it would be like to live on the receiving end. Holy shit. I know it's a defense mechanism, something I thought was a great idea... not so. I never understood that some thoughts I have are just for me and it's ok to have them. I don't have to share everything with that one person. I can keep things private. I can work through thoughts whether they are life-changing or trivial. I can do this, all on my own and cherish the unique relationship I have with me.
Another thing I can do for myself - validate. I've learned that just by me feeling or thinking something is validation enough. I always believed that validation came from the outside. Again, not so. Hmph.
I love me. And whether or not a man is in my life has no affect on that statement at all.
It's ok to miss someone I haven't spoken to in months and not call them because I know it would hurt.
It is up to me to set and respect my boundaries and expect nothing from others. Now, this I knew but didn't always exercise it.
Most of the old adages I heard from my mom, neighbour and fourth grade teacher now magically make sense.
"I need to clear my head" is a sentence I never understood until McDreamy said it.
Aha moments seem to come in quick succession when we're in the midst of self-discovery, particularly after an experience that has broken your spirit and wounded your beliefs. Lucky for me wounds heal, even breaks.
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2 comments:
McDreamy???
Hopeless romantic, vulnerable whilst in a relationship, "open book" type of person, love yourself ie feel content.. those were the words I used to daily heard from someone that used to be my gf, months ago. Never thought that I'd found it on another place - here. Never though that there would be another one just like that. From what she said, as if being that way was the biggest sin a man will ever have. I found out that it was not, of course *grin.
Nicely said and written. Thanks!
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